Feeling Foolish

I had a dream last night that I could suddenly go to Fool's Fest (only a 6-hour drive from Urbana - I do love dream-reality) and so I hopped in the car and set off to see the Scrumptulescence folks and I suppose some Acapulco people too. Whoever was there last year. It occurs to me that I may actually know Drew from FF2006. This dream was largely disregarded by me, occurring in a vast sequence of school-related mini-nightmares: missing classes, skipping my MA exam - typical back-to-school sorts of affairs which makes me wonder how this dream fit in. Do I miss frisbee in the offseason? MK did head down for Terminus which I've always wanted to go to (but alas, the siren's call was in Michigan this week) but I've been caught up more in climbing recently than ultimate. I fear that in losing my frisbee friends when I left Chicago that I may lose ultimate as well. There are sources of hope though - my last name being adopted, some rough-housing on the line, Angelo asking to throw after work, Jason telling me he was glad I came to pickup (how could I not? It was 55 and sunny after sub-freezing temps two days earlier), small victories that I hold on to, hope that I will find a place with this team. We are changing names, perhaps we will change tenor as well and after a winter of turf-practices I will have gained some acceptance and shed some of the new-unknown player stigma. (This is generally more prevalent when small and female, although I suppose I'm prejudiced...) New captains, new recruits, maybe new cleats, new jerseys. I wonder about missing the summer since I'll be in Chicago - will I have time for tournaments? Will I miss regionals for a conference in October? I am still unsure of the balance of ultimate, school, Ethan. Now there is teaching and climbing. I remember my dreams, sometimes for years, if I bother to focus on them when I wake up. Sometimes I mistake them for reality. I wonder if I'm supposed to (in some cosmic ultimate sense [oh yes this is corny]) take off for the weekend, let go, and just float down a field, conscious only of the spinning plastic bright against a blue clear sky.