Anticipating

It is amazing how easily I can distract and derail myself. I have been meaning for several nights, even weeks almost, to write something about love that has thought behind it and comes across as more than a hollywood clip. It's a hard thing to work up the courage for, I can tell you, and so I continue to blather on about other things, not following the first sentence that comes into my head but censoring that and thinking for a long time until a second, more "suitable" arises. This is the problem with considering an audience, I suppose, which part of me certainly hoped to acquire and part of me figured I never would, since I only ever actually told one person about it (Ethan) and he's not terribly interested. Which is how I figured most people would react. And who's to say, really, what the right reaction is? (You see how quickly I digress?) So while I sit in the utter privacy of my room, tonight even with almost all the lights off, just the glow of my screen and the dim fluorescent bulb above my mirror and the orange glow of the parking garage out my window the perfect, intimate situation for writing about something so personal and individual is revealed and yet I still hesitate to take advantage of it. I had hoped to use this forum as a way to explore thoughts about any subject as well as writing itself and so my hesitation dismays me. Courage! But not tonight, I fear, for the hour is later than I had hoped and there is much work to be accomplished on the morrow. And yes, this is a bit of a cop-out, although to my credit I almost forgot to write anything before I shut down tonight so the fact that I have come so far is worth more than it shall appear upon reflection tomorrow at the brevity and cowardice within. Tomorrow I will find the gumption to strike out with the first sentence that comes to mind. It may be inane and what comes after it may not follow, but this I promise you. Whatever words fall into place will rest upon this page.