Rainbows have nothing to hide

The sun sets while we're not paying attention, slipping by in the deepening conversation and drips of ice cream saved from my shirt. We are already saying goodbye, already measuring our final moments here, together, in once place. Making plans to make plans - how many farewell concerts will we give in the end? I look back and regret that I held myself apart, away, for so long captured by what was lacking and refusing to fill the empty spaces. I still cannot, but the edges soften over time, the bandage refreshed to keep the wound clear and clean - it always hurts when you finally rip it off, but at least then the depths have healed. A constant give and take, a weighing, a measuring. So late we attempt for so much; if only (eithe!) if only - there are no words for such things. I know I cannot take everything with me and I am forced to pick and choose my memories, select the moments of greatest importance. Perhaps I am always calculating and comparing and competing - either myself with others or third parties alone - but however much I judge things I hope never to adopt the infiltrating mental state. I wish I could write poetry without feeling trivial, I wish I could constantly tap into lyricism and the easy ebb and flow of language but it slips through my fingers if not on the right topic, in the right room, about the right things and people: quicksilver in my mind.